A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

Have you ever wondered where the future might take you?
More and more I've been pondering on what my future could be.
I graduate high school in a year and the idea of being out on my own isn't half as "scary" (more confusing then anything else) as not knowing where I'm going.

I've always been interested in the arts (theatre, dance, music, visual art, and writing) but I never really thought I'd pursue it.  I enjoy learning of concepts in history, writing, literature, feminism, culture, and how things impact us as people. I read different genres on different platforms because I find life, human nature, emotions, nature, science, math, history, and everything interesting. My biggest problem growing up was always that I was interested in too much. Although few would see that as "problem", it was difficult for me to decide what I wanted to do because I liked so much.

Now, I find that I'm in the same situation. As my senior year approaches and the big decisions are just shy of being made, I'm being asked questions more seriously like "what do you want to major in?", "what do you want to do when you grow up?", "what do you enjoy learning about?", "what colleges are you thinking about?", "where do you want to live?",  and although I used to think that when the time came I would have all these answers, I don't.

I previously stated on this blog that I'd like to be involved in journalism and while that's still true, there are so many questions about how do I even get there? I was/am still heavily involved in theatre, instruments, dancing, art, and writing but I told myself that I'd never want to major in it. My mom went to school overseas (obviously because she's not American) and her primary focus in college was music and languages, which is totally awesome. Now she's a piano teacher, ESL teacher and choir director and it's so great that she has that ability to lead and teach others the things she loves. But that's not me, I can not teach others, it's just not in my being. I have this fear that if I major in an art, regardless of what it is, I will end up teaching it and I know I just can not do that.

So while I'm trying to decide what major I want to do, I'm still stuck on the colleges. Going to a good big college use to be my dream, but the older and more focused I got, the more I realized I don't want to go to some expensive college my first 2 years just to be taking general courses. I know college is expensive and if I somehow manage to get some great scholarships to go to my "dream college" (whatever that may be) then of course, I'll go. But I'm not going to deliberately bend my parents backs to go to some huge school when they'll still have to pay for my brother's college too. I have this plan to probably just go to Austin Peay for my first year or two, here in Clarksville since it's here and I'll be needing to take general education courses anyway. But after that I was thinking the American University in Paris since I have dual citizenship and I've pretty much decided to not stay here.

There are so many more questions that still remain and I know that as my senior year gets closer and closer I'll need to get more definite with my answers. I'm not too worried about where I'll end up, I just like knowing ahead of time what's going on. I just have so many scenarios going through my head.

I can see myself studying theatre-dance and becoming a small-time actress, performing in little theaters. I can see myself in Paris in some little coffee shop working on my next assignment from the University. I can see myself as a travel photographer, going from country to country trying to get the perfect materials for my story. I can see myself as an artist, hoping to sell my work to the highest bidder. I can see myself as a musician, booking gigs in bars or little shops, hoping to get enough tips in the jar to pay for my trip. I can see myself publishing a book or maybe several, hoping they sell. I can see myself happy in any of these situations, it's just a matter of what happens.