Think

"If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all."

Probably my favourite quote since I was a little kid. Growing up, I was bullied frequently throughout the years. No, that's not a ploy to make you feel bad for me. I was bullied and unfortunately, so are plenty of other kids. Some cases are extremely severe, some slightly less, but everybody has a viewpoint. The less severe cases may seem super severe to the child who endured it. People are different and emotions vary.

I don't believe my case(s) were extremely severe, I definitely had friends go through worse.

In first and second grade, I was picked on by a girl named Delila. Her mom and my mom were friends (actually just in military-spouse support groups together) so we were around each other often. I don't remember why she didn't like me, I just remember her not liking me. I remember her pushing me off the swings so I scrapped my knee. I remember her cheating off me on a spelling test, which made no sense since I was (and still am) an awful speller, but then told our teacher I was the one cheating. I remember her gluing my papers to the insides of my desks and calling me mean names during lunch and recess. It bothered me, a lot, and there were plenty of days I went home crying. But I got over it.

In third grade, I was still riding the bus. But unlike the school busses here, the ones in Germany didn't have any rules about boys and girls sitting together. The only "rule" was that elementary sat in the front and middle school sat in the back. I remember sit with this boy Mark, he was in 5th grade and seemed to have a crush on me, it was a big deal back then. However, Mark did not have a crush on me, instead he stole my CD Player, rummaged through my book bag, and punched me in the stomach several times leaving pretty big bruises. Eventually, I told my school councilor, who obviously told my mom. Again, the army community in Schweinfurt was small, so my mom knew his mom. He got in a lot of trouble, but that didn't stop his friend Monique and himself from bullying me. One night, his mom was having some sort of gathering or party and my family was invited. We went, ate good food, had a fun time. Until Mark cornered me against a window to punch me several times in the stomach. This time everybody saw and his mom took him off the school bus, ending the bus bullying. Eventually the bruises healed. Again, I got over it.

In fourth grade, I was best friends with a girl named Vannessa, who also had a best friend Madison. She was the tallest, most athletic, and only girl in class to have hit puberty. Now, I am a swooping 5"9, but in forth grade I was a tiny, lanky, awkward little thing with thin glasses, bushy hair, and baggy clothes. Of course, Vannessa would try to hang out with the both of us, but Madison made sure to talk only to Vannessa and only invite Vannessa. I got used to it after a while, until Madison decided ignoring my existence was too easy and began calling me names and making mean comments to me almost every day. Maybe she hoped I'd stop being friends with Vannessa, but actually her and I stayed best friends until 7th grade when my family and I had to move.  Regardless, Madison and Vannessa stopped being friends so I just got over it.

Being a new kid is not the easiest thing, but being an army kid, I just kind of got used to it I guess. In 7th and 8th grade I not only moved each school year to a new school, but I also received a tremendous amount of bullying.  Maybe being the "new girl" put a target on my back, but I was subjected to some pretty heavy bullying that caused a deep depression in my life. I was always sad and at a certain point, didn't even want to hang out with anyone. I'd lock myself in my room, reading books or watching TV shows, anything than being with people. But as all young pre-teens/early-teens, I picked myself back up and got over it.

I guess the meaning of this blog is really just, don't be that bully. Don't make someone "just get over it" because not everyone will. Teen depression and suicide should not be as high as it is. Did you know that for youth between the ages of 10 and 24, suicide is the third leading cause of death?  A nationwide survey of youth in grades 9-12 in the U.S. found that 16% of students reported seriously considering suicide, 13% reported creating a plan, and 8% report trying to take their own life. Each year, approximately 157,000 youth receive medical care for self-inflicted injuries across the country.

Your childhood, teenage years and youth is suppose to be filled with innocence, positivity, and care-free times. You just never know what someone else is going through, you never know what goes on behind closed doors, be it at home or in their mind. Bullying is not a joke and saying hurtful things is not funny. Honesty should only go so far, if you find yourself really hurting someone's feelings, you've crossed a line. There's no need to say hateful things or post them. What people put out on social media, is their business. Trying to make someone feel down or upset or angry? Just let people express themselves on social media the way they like. It's all just a creative platform of self-expression. Life is all about self-expression. If they're not hurting anyone else, they why bother them? You can disagree, debate, or even argue, but just let people be who they are. 

I just shared some personal experiences about my bullying because as I said, I finally got over them. I got over the hurtful words and the physical pain. They were stepping stones in my life, and I've come to realize that I don't need that negativity in my life. Recently, I've felt consumed by it. I've been a very negative person and that just has to change. I'm going to be who I am. I'm going to post what I want, say what I say, do what I do and just be myself because there isn't any other way I'd rather be.

Let others be who they want to be.

Think before you speak.
Think before you type.
Think before you post.

Katya Podkovyroff